I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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