he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
