i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When are your genitals available?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize