I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
