I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
