i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
