When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
