drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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