I love black thongs
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
