I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My vagina is officially offended.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
