Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
