I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
