just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All the doctor said was why
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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