I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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