Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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