I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
