I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
