i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
