omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
