I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
