then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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