Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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