you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
