I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
