Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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