The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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