the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
