garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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