Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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