Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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