At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
