the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
