TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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