I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she smelled like a LAN party
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize