Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
