No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
