So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
