I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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