epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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