they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
