She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize