I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
