who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
