He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
