I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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