how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
