how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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