I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
