she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
