we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize