You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
