How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
