my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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