Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
