Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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