i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
