I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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