Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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