He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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