I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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