I bet he comes in French.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize