I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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