you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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