Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
