she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
