yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
