Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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