These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
