either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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