Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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