fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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