Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize